My 500th Free-Weight Workout in Five Years

Yes, it was lame.

I worked out just enough to say that I worked out.

No heavy weights this time.

I am still at the same weight plateau, no change for an entire week, just like the last plateau.

I am at no more than 1,500 calories per day.

It is almost biologically impossible that I’m not losing any weight.

At any rate, I will be running tomorrow in West Virginia, if I wake up on time.

I love West Virginia.

The hills are brutal, though.

I ran in the Morgantown Balloon day 15k back in the day.

It was insane.

As I went into the gym shower in the basement, once again I wasn’t paying attention. As I closed the shower door, I reached for my soap AND SOMEONE HANDED IT TO ME!

Who could it be? The stalker? The crazy punk-writer-model chick? Ramone? The Park Ranger? Worse! It was the CEO!

I was alone in the shower with her. I must say her glistening wet body was magnificent.

“Now’s your chance, Dear sweet, delectable Botendaddy. You can finally take me, as you’ve always wanted to. TAKE ME! You hideous Yeti! You savage beast! You know you want this!”

“Wait!” I said, holding up my hand. “I know what’s causing the plateau! Even though I’m keeping my calories down, I have had reduced physical activity allowing my body to sustain on many fewer calories! I have to start walking on days I’m not running!”

“Shut up you obtuse, moron, you simpering self-involved water-buffalo. Ooh look at me I’m a self-proclaimed New York literati effete snob. How dare you refuse me! You insignificant bloated worm! Take me now!”

She moved closer to me.

Now her glistening hard female body was pressed against my rotting, reeking, ghoulish, withered flesh, at just that moment I {CENSORED: PA DEPT OF AGRICULTURE FOR PRURIENT SACRILEGIOUS OBSCENITY, BY ORDER OF THE COURT OF QUARTER SESSIONS, MARCH 3, 1947, PA CONS STAT 36:241 sub par.(b)}

 

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About Botendaddy

Three times voted extreme sexiest man alive...by acclamation. I run because I must...I must!
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