I knew it. As soon as I hit the golden weight, I could run again.
I’m ten pounds lighter than when I was in Iraq, where I carried 110 pounds of crap in 122 degree heat at a weight of 265.
I felt light the first hundred yards on the approach to the trail. It was a full sprint stride like I haven’t felt in seven years.
My first mile was quick, but it was on a very tight winding undeveloped footpath with fast changes in direction, roots, mud, trees. On open ground, I would have been well into the nines.
The changes in elevation were severe. Although my recent weight loss is about 24 pounds, I’ve lost 28 since last year. I warned you, yes you… that if I got thinner, I could fly again. I still weigh about 90 pounds more then the average sub-25:00 5k runner maybe 60 more than a runner of similar height, yes 6’3″. If I drop down to where I used to be (another 36 pounds I will be very fast). You lose four stone and see how fast you are.
I even lifted late tonight. I was too disinterested to do too many sets.
I ended up running exactly 5k. The elevation and the narrow forest path crushed me on the last mile. There was a nice cliff outcrop, very ‘Last of the Mohicans’.
At any rate, I stopped at the edge of the woods to admire my run. I should have just gotten into the car, when I heard a familiar voice.
‘Hi you disgusting smelly, sweaty banana-man-breasted shitty Sasquatch, you filthy Yeti, you hot sexy, Frankenstein.’
‘How the hell did you find me here? I’ve never been here before hot, overly business-like, spandex-extreme-cameltoe, dominant, psycho CEO lady?’
‘Oh I just followed the sound of your massive adult diaper. How do you run in that thing anyway? By the way you look good. I can’t call you fat anymore. I’m very disappointed.’
‘Well, the key for me is counting calories. I don’t know much about carbs, but it’s all calories for me. I compute my basal rate and then try to calculate a daily intake. I adjust it when I plateau, then I bring it back up when I break the plateau, but it’s really about consistency.’
‘Blah, blah, blah. Shut up and make love to me. Act like a real man for once. Show some stones. Real macho men just take a woman like me. You’re supposed to be this legendary lover, well prove it. Let’s go back to the rock and make Romantic, sylvan love to me at the cliffs edge.’
‘Well that’s very nice, psycho-lady but I have to go back to work. Look! An ivory-billed woodpecker!’
When she turned to look, I leaped into my car and I escaped….for now.
Peace be the Botendaddy