The Amazing Pace

I have now lost 11 pounds, recently and 18 since last December.

I was hoping that it would help me run faster.

It finally happened. This may sound pathetic to you faster runners, but I ran a 9:36 first mile after mostly being between 11:30 and 13:00 for most of the past seven years.

Cherry Blossoms in Bloom

Cherry Blossoms in Bloom

I am about another ten pounds away from being able to run with a full stride, which hopefully will allow me to run a sub 9:00 mile for the first time since 2008.

It was a slight uphill which is weird, but I was flying. I was able to run in shorts. The second mile was also uphill and steeper, but all of my splits 1, 2, 3, and 4 miles were easily my fastest of the year.

The Museum Starting Point

The Museum Starting Point

It was cool out, the sun was shining and the trail was nice and dry.

What horks me off is that I know if I could lose another 15 and get past the breakpoint a thirty minute 5k would be easy. It’s my weight that’s slown (verb am. fake ‘to be slowed down by another person or force ca. 1936) me down.

By the way remember, in this order:

  1. Health first: see your licensed Physician, you may literally have to walk before you can run.
  2. Diet: Get thinner, much less strain on the legs and body.
  3. Flexibility: Stretch, warm-up, get loose.
  4. Run: i.e., see your doctor, lose weight and stretch, then run.

I ran across the bridge into the park. There were many very attractive women of all ages. I didn’t look of course, at their tight spandex covered panty-free derrières as I was trying to breathe. I was OK until the two mile mark when the stalker caught up with me.

“Hi critic-boy, Mr. New Yorker. You slightly thinner disgusting slob. Can I just slap you? Please I really want to just hit you Oh Botendaddy. Especially after your last posting. No one’s interested in your dirty diaper and your stupid spinal cord problems. When I read it I became physically sick.”

I sighed, even though I still couldn’t breathe.

“Were you really just out running? How did you know that I would even be on campus today? Weren’t you supposed to seek help?”

“Don’t bore me. I heard your advice. Ooh I’m so smart, look at me, look at me! I’m Botendaddy! I’m so bloggy. LOOK AT THIS DAMN YOU!”

She had stopped about 50 yards ahead of me and she actually mooned me. She was wearing panties with ‘I’ (heart symbol) on one cheek and ‘Botendaddy’ on the other.

“What is wrong with you crazy stalker girl? Don’t you have any friends? When was the last time you were on a real date? By the way real nice a$$, holy Khufu I am duly impressed.”

“Yes, it is delectable isn’t it. It could all be yours, if you were just man enough to reach out and take it. You can own me. I would be your submissive love-slave. You smelly Yeti, Sasquatch, Franken-diaper, sub-moronic Bigfoot. TAKE IT HERE AND NOW, FATTY!”

She started undressing as she was running, which seemed rather awkward, until she was only wearing a bra, those creepy embroidered panties and running shoes. She tripped over her shoelaces as I had expected, and she tumbled down the hill, permitting my escape. (Pronounce Ex-caped).

I made sure she wasn’t hurt, but as I ran away, I heard her shriek: “Botendaddy! I love you against all reason! You hideous monster and your one great love! I am yours forever! I will not be ignored! I’ll boil your f#%^*ng rabbit!”

I ran downhill across both campuses and past the flower show. I wanted to run at least 10k, but I had nothing left. 4.25 miles was enough for today. Dieting saps your strength which is why it’s harder to run faster at first. ‘Damn that stalker’s got a nice bod’ I thought.

Peace be the Botendaddy

 

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About Botendaddy

Three times voted extreme sexiest man alive...by acclamation. I run because I must...I must!
This entry was posted in Dining, Exercise, Food and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to The Amazing Pace

  1. Woo hoo that’s great!!! Remember you’re only competing against yourself!

    Liked by 1 person

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