I had to get back up here for this race.
I was down in Washington, D.C. What’s up with the 50 mile long, 50 mile per hour traffic jam at 7PM exiting D.C. on Friday night on Route 270?
May I add, dear readers, that D.C. has the friendliest, nicest people in the country. I got lost on the metro, one dude walked me to my train. I got lost in Arlington, another dude walked me to my destination.
Friendliest women in the entire nation by far. Sorry, broads, maybe try to be nicer in whatever region you’re from.
The woman in D.C. actually deign to speak to you, they are friendly, they are smart (**sexy**). They like big, old, hulking well-dressed dudes in suits and ties (apparently).
There were black girls, white girls, candy-striped girls, big girls, small girls, young girls, tall girls, older broads (***burning***)…all are equally awesome. Women from 18-68, all amazingly friendly, talkative, outgoing, fun. They know how to talk to men and they don’t make you feel bad or self-conscious at every possible opportunity. It was so refreshing.
So not to make you feel bad, women of everywhere else in the United States (Honorable mention New York City where the women are also awesome.), just be nicer!
So, when I got back to this region, I signed up on race day for a 5 miler. Wow! they actually had a shirt! i.e., unlike other shabby races where they are too cheap to order extra shirts in case they get race-day registrations. The organizers are awesome. It was about 39 degrees at race start, thank Khufu. I was in full old-school grey cotton sweats. It never got hot enough to take off my sweatshirt.
I think the course is long or my GPS is way off. All of my mile times were pretty solid. My five mile time was my fastest since 2009. Not good, just better. I am ready for the 10k.
I thought this guy was Tom Savini. He was really cool with a very nice family, by the way.
There were a lot of women in the race, but they mostly gave me dirty, hateful, sneering, resentful, disgusted looks as usual. OK, a couple of them were nice and they were all attractive with fine spandex-covered lithe runner’s bodies. (**Extremely Smoking!**), but since I was barely able to keep running without dropping dead, I didn’t really have time to stare.
I noticed that most of them don’t wear panties with their spandex. What is that all about? Doesn’t it chafe? Isn’t it horrifically unsanitary? Isn’t spandex hot anyway? Who wants clammy synthetic crap next to their skin? I only wear 100% cotton. It breathes. I hate under-armour type crap. Synthetics choke me, it’s like some kind of a PVC-hell, basically synthetics are like wrapping yourself in plastic – horrible.
My first mile was good but not my best. It could have been the crowd, it didn’t thin out for at least a quarter mile. The second mile was good but also not my best. I picked a few people to pace against. My third mile was solid as was my 5k time.
One very pleasant couple I ran with until about the 3-1/2 mile mark then they just ran away. A couple of (*very nice*) young ladies chased me for a mile and caught me at the four mile mark. I was not staring at their spandex when they passed me. I finished dead last in my age group – again. Also, oddly enough there weren’t a huge number of runners in the five-miler so no-one was within a minute and a half either in front of or behind me.
Why I liked this race: it’s mostly flat, it was well organized, their people were very friendly, I even donated an extra ten bucks to their charity (I also gave three bucks to a dirty, filthy, shitty, decrepit, toothless, rotten, smelly bum who looked like Dirty Dee from Pootie-Tang™®© later in the day) they had bagels, doughnuts, bananas, water and yes RACE SHIRTS! The people along the race paths actually cheered on everyone and not just their (**Ooh look at me! I’m so jealous**) ‘friends’. Ooh I’m so neglected, I’m so left out! Ooh look at me!
March Mad Dash: Highly Recommended
Peace be the Botendaddy, my delicious, (**red**hot**), desirable, glistening, joyous, well-oiled, lithe, beautiful, delicious, erudite, suave, perceptive, scintillatingly sensuous, adjective-producing readers.