The Shroaking of the Writer’s Workshop

“Defabooboo! You morons are back at the University in your traditional evening Writer’s Workshop it’s been like since 2019! And you brought doughnuts!”

Shroake the Fat Hairy Unionized Physical Plant Guy.

“This is a huge letdown – you are all so disappointing and stupid imbecilic borderline illiterates. My life is a waste and Botendaddy just f*cked me.”

Shroake the Professor 👩‍🏫.

“You’re like 77! He’s such a goddamned pervert! Where did he f*ck you?”

Shroake Devon.

“In every orifice.”

“Oh, sorry in the alien 👽 nationality classroom. Excuse me for being a woman! I have needs! I deserve affection!”

Shroake the Professor.

“Let’s talk about my workout. And let’s share the coffee! Come drink the Tranya! I AM BALOK!”

Shroake the Botendaddy.

“No-one cares about your stupid workout you misshapen freak! You belong in the circus next to the bearded lady and the dog 🐶 faced boy!”

Shroake the No-one Cares Lady.

“Shut up you fat lardvaark! You and your mini-moons you bloated hamplanet! You grease golem! O’ Lord Brimley! God of Beetus! Strike the fat dependapotamous dead with thy sacred Beetus!”

Shroake the Voat Fat People Hate Verified Shitlady.

“Can we discuss my poetry?”

Shroake the Caribbean Queen

“Once upon a time there was a man without a brain.

If he had a brain 🧠 he would be totally insane.

He didn’t have a brain.

So he could not be insane.

But that did not excuse the fact that he did not have a brain.”

Shroake the Carribbeean Queen

“John Milton 1644, from his seminal work, Areopagitica.”

Shroake the Swole’ Bro’

“Presogitively Iduct!”

Shroake the Stalker.

“Listen here’s the workout:

Recumbent Stationary Bike


Stair Stepper


Calf Raise

Stiff Legged Deadlifts


York Health Shoes Single Leg Curls

45 Degree Leg Press

45 Degree Calf Raise

Leg Extension

Leg Curls

“It’s part of the presogitive tri-cycle with aerobic pentometer Penomonistics from the Sextogonal workout with 1.2 mile run in 39 degree shittacious weather.”

I Shroake


Shroake the Angry Millennial Social Justice Warrior Guy.

“Iced Coffee with espresso Xocolatl?”

Peace be the Botendaddy


The Sextoganol Workout

‘Sextoganol, you misshapen, deformed freak! It’s not a goddamned word! It’s like Phenomonistics!”

Shroake Big Chief Guyasuta

Photo by Rene Asmussen on

‘Presogitively iduct, meng Brøt! It’s is five separate workouts, composing the nucular pentagonal workout, then running, etc.’

I Shroake

There are five components.

The first three are mandatory and must be in precise order to complete a three workout cycle.

The next two are mandatory but can be attached to any one of the three workouts but both of them must be performed in the same three workout cycle.

The run or walk or swim or bicycle or ice skate (no treadmill or cycle machine) must be performed at least once over two three workout cycles. More if you desire.

The mandatory three cycle:

Upper body – Chest and upper back



The mandatory floating two cycle:


Aerobic machines: stair stepper and or treadmill and or stationary bike and or rowing machine and or gazelle and or Nordic track type thingy

Each of these workouts must be performed during the mandatory three cycle. One of those workouts is attached to one of the three cycle workouts and the other can be matched with another of the three. One of the three workouts can be unmatched.


Upper body and Run

Legs and Aerobic Machines

Arms and Abdominals

Day off

Upper Body and aerobic machines

Legs and abdominals


Day off

Upper body

Legs and aerobics and skating

Arms and abdominals and road cycling

Upper body

Legs and aerobics

Arms and abdominals

Can you dig it?

The advantages are that you don’t have to do the three cycle on consecutive days.

You can do as much or little Road work as you desire.

You can take a quicker workout if you only feel like doing one part of the body. Say just legs and nothing else.
Next, no parts are neglected.

Finally, you have to do all five mini workouts during the three cycle.”

I Shroaketificated


Shroake The Park Ranger

“Iced coffee with hazelnut crème?”

Peace be the Botendaddy

Kindness is Being Cruel to Educate the Rude : A Primer on Etiquette.

“My immortal beloved readers, it is incumbent upon me, as your loyal servant, zür Botendaddy, to instruct you upon the finer points of etiquette in high Society.

Manners are evidence of good breeding, and I must reiterate to all of you that one of the most important rules of propriety is that manners must be enforced at all times, no matter how cruel the result might be. Being so stated, it is critical that our subject receive and thus learn the object lesson so that they themselves may rise above the venal sins of lowly Stevedores, Mechanicks and chambermaids.

It was on one such an occasion that my beloved father, Perèz Röchibauld Utonic the VIII was dying from the vapors and a rheume, compounded by the gout. He summoned me to the great room. We were attired in top hats and tails as machine age Kapitalist industrialists.

We traveled by coach to pay a call upon my elder cousin, who was an attorney at law. He was kind enough to prepare a will and conduct estate planning for my father. I was 12 years of age at the time.

My cousin, a distinguished gentleman of the law and his family inhabited a stately mansion in the wealthy, exclusive neighborhood of the great City.

The day was somber and overcast with a light mist as we proceeded deliberately through the gloaming along the tree-lined streets reminiscent of Unter den Lindens in ante-bellum Preußen Berlin.

An aged Butler of rigid posture answered the door. We were directed to the parlor of the stately home.

My cousin’s wife was an icy, tall, attractive blond woman. I had rarely met her. She was impeccably dressed and coiffed à la manière Parisienne.

As the Lady of the house coldly greeted me, she directed me away from her husband to thus allow the elder gentlemen to conduct their affairs. She didn’t inquire as to how I was feeling. She offered no kindness or sympathy.

She seated me on an 19th century chaise, alone in the dark parlor. The chamber was scarcely illuminated by a stylish Tiffany lamp. The decor was in the style (Pronounced ‘steel’) machine-age Victorian exquisite.

She would occasionally appear in the room like a ghastly, cruel spectre, silent in approach. She offered me nothing. Requested of me not to touch or disturb anything. Demanded that I was not to leave the room. It was an ugly experience for a grieving lad.

The years passed as is their wont, Tempis Fugivvit. This incident had been recessed deep in my memories as other more pressing concerns had taken precedence over time. I had placed this shocking and grievous rudeness and lack of social propriety out of my mind until I had become a gentleman years later.

It was upon that occasion that I had found the occasion to require the services of an counselor at law.

For the first time in decades, I was disposed by circumstances to call upon my dear Butler to connect with my cousin on the telephone apparatus. Postlequieu handed me the receiver.

My cousin’s wife answered. Her Walküre-like voice echoed into my very soul like the cold hand of death in an eerie New England churchyard. The passage of time had not lessened her hideous screech.

‘Who may I inquire is calling?’

She Shroake.

‘It is I, young Perèz Röchibauld Utonic, the IXth aka Häär Doktor Doktor Professoré il Botendaddy late of Markleysburg in the County of Somerset in the Free and Accepted ancient Commonwealth of the belov’d Quaker Wm. Penn.’

I Shroake

‘Oh it is so pleasant to hear your voice after so many years.

She Shroake.

‘Stewart moved out last week. You think you know a person.’

She Shroake in melancholy tones to evoke my empathy.

I recalled to her the ugly scene of decades before in intimate cold detail under the glaring light of truth! O’ fates! O’ furies! O’ vanity! Thine cruel truth! What hath the demons wrought! The shocking breach of the most elementary social Etiquette she had foisted upon me brought into the light!

She was shamed into utter silence. I demanded again the telephonic exchange enumeration of the most esteemed counselor at law whilst she was thusly hoisted upon her own pétard.

Upon receiving the numeric figures, I stiffly Shroake:

‘Good Day! Madame!’

She stammered in shame and humiliation and the degradation she had foisted upon herself by her breach of the most elementary rules of high society.


I re-Shroake in my shocking fabulous cruelty as she wept uncontrollably in her spectacular shame. So henceforth, I thusly slammed down the ancient black cobalt received onto the telephonic apparatus.

I bid my lowly, groveling sycophantic servile coachman to bring me a brandy to quaff.

‘Cigaretu?’ Shroake Postlequieu. ‘It’s Czech!’

Botendaddy Reboot Panned by Critics! Thumbs Down from the Voat Fat People Hate Verified Shitlady!

Fade in to mysterious misty bird’s eye view of Utonic Manor with shitty theme music and rolling credits. Closeup on the parlor. Two ‘lone’ figures are drinking Türkiye Qahiwa from Finjaaniyyetoon. A creepy butler stands in the shadows holding a Jezva’a. The giant estate is mostly empty with wind clattering the creaky bullshit dead Ivy vine covered Hollywood shutters on the exterior walls of the dilapidated mansion.

“Where have you been Voat Fat People Hate Verified Shitlady? it’s been like a couple years since I’ve heard from you. What have you been doing? I know you’ve been awfully depressed. from the headlines.”

I Shroake whilst quaffing my velike dobro kavu.

“You disgusting, sweating sweet-hot pocket hippopotamus, drooling from your Beetus!

O’ Lord, Brimley, God of mighty Beetus, please strike dead, this fat hamplanet, and his grease-goblin mini-moons, the so-called Writer’s Workshop!

You skinny-fat, Obeast-Beetus, Fat-Fat-Fatty. You godd4mned Lardvaark! You fat hamplanet. You disgusting Ham with your condishuns, your slow BMR, you reeking Heffalump! You sh!tyy Hamplanet! You Beluga!”

Shroake the Voat Fat People Hate Verfied Shitlady.

“OMFG! It’s baaa-aaack! The psychotic January 6th Trumpian VFPHVSL!”

Shroake the Librarian.

“You godd4mned fat ham-planet! You sh7tty Obeast! You lardbeast, butter-golem! I triggered you with CI-CO! You deathfat femayo land-whale! You Heffalump. Reeee! Reeee! Hambeast! You slobbering, piggering, work-food-stealing oinker! I am gagging from your piss-soaked FUPA! FASAAAAAAAT! DIE YOU FATTIES!”

re-Shroake the VFPHVSL

“Enough you wacky broads! I’ve started a new workout! Arms and midsection!

Dumbbell Curls, Preacher Curls, Curls, Dumbbell Tricep Press, Tricep Pressdown, Handgrip Wrist Strengtheners, Sit-ups, Crunches, Straight Legged Leg Raise, Bent Leg Raise, Twists and Side Bends.”

Also Shroake der Botendaddy

“YAWN! look at this, fatty! Do you like what you doth see, earth man? Get a load of these hard puppies!”

Shroake the VFPHVSL exposing her firm breasts.

“Try this instead! Do you want a shot at the title, grandpa?”

Shroake the Librarian pulling down her yoga pants and stinky wet granny panties whilst shoving her dripping maw into zür Botendaddy’s sexually hideous visage.

“Turkish coffee ☕️ with Züccherigghia?”

Peace be the Botendaddy

Botendaddy Returns! Elected on 15th Ballot! Trump Shocked! Biden Silent! A Three-Part Workout.

“Bench me out the 300 bench me out the three bench me out the 300 with a brother named of Blee!”

Listen up, Fouw Zhitay!

it is what it is. We are here, collectively, the entire Writer’s Workshop, including

The Chasey Lady.

The No-One Cares Lady.

The Weird Foreign Doctor Lady.


The Librarian.

The Park Ranger.

Big Chief Guyasuta.

The Stalker.

Gryczwacz the alien 👽.

Revolutionary Blacquéz.

The Swole’ Bro’ 😎.

The Professor 👩‍🏫

The CEO 👩‍💼

And all your favorite idiots.

Gibt es eine gesegnete Neues Jahr!

I have returned to Utonic Manor. My enemies have been crushed and driven before me.

They are all currently exiled to Tierra del Fuego where they are running a low-grade Argentine restaurant.

But what I I really want to talk about is this… Fouw Zhitay- we are here to work out.

My new work out is divided into three parts – over three days.

This way I can work out Six days a week with one rest day.

When I don’t feel like working out one day off.

First workout is heavy upper body.

Bench press

Lat pulldown

Military press.

Trap raise.

End row with Olympic bar from Landmine attachment.

The second workout is arms and midsection.

Dumbbell curls

Preacher curls with curl bar

Regular curls with curl bar

Dumbbell tricep press.

Tricep pressdown .

Hand grips.

Crunches which are horrible.

Sit ups.

Bent leg raises.


Side Bends.

On the third day. Oh yes, the third day my brothers and sisters that is when I do lower body.


Calf raises

Stiff-legged deadlifts.


York Health Shoe single leg curls.
45° leg press.

45° calf raise.

Leg curl.

Leg press

All exercises are either done with barbell, dumbbell or plate loaded machines. No weird nonadjustable machines.

The aerobic exercises can be done with any of the three workouts depending on how I feel.

The aerobic exercises are:

The recumbent stationary bike.

The treadmill.

The stairstepper.

The treadmill is not… I repeat not a substitute for real running or walking especially if you’re over 5’2”.

The advantages of the three-part workout are that you put more energy into each workout, you’re not stressed out about trying to do too much,the workouts can be done very quickly or take as long as you like are there any questions?

Yes Yon Sexual Botendaddy. When is lunch?

Iced coffee with crème?

Peace be the Botendaddy

Little Known American Facts

  1. The Pony Express only existed for seven seconds.
  2. 3 million workers were killed Building the Golden Gate Bridge. The family of each worker who died got a dime and a coupon for Sarsaparilla (No one knows what Sarsaparilla is).
  3. The Pennsylvania Dutch are actually neither Dutch nor Pennsylvanian but are actually Sardinian Michiganders.
  4. No American has ever won a Tischfußballes game.
  5. No one ever said ‘Conditioned Air’ or ‘Crack Wise’
  6. The great era of cattle drives lasted from July 7, 1868 at 3:23PM to July 7, 1868 at 3:24PM.
  7. Showdowns are real and are practiced all across America even to this day.
  8. America won WWII single-handedly using only their prodigious freakishly oversized godheads, swing dancing, big band music and Rosie the Riveter, Captain Marvel, GI Joe and a Hollywood cast of thousands.
  9. Every American is a hero and every American is a cowboy (Pronounced Koe-bwah).
  10. The Metric system is a Napoléonic plot to steal Americans’ precious bodily fluids.
Photo by Pixabay on

Peace be the Botendaddy

Board of Directors Announces Changes Since Botendaddy Firing: ‘A Serious Blog for Serious People’

Deserted super-modern cool architecture office building atop Mt. Davis, Pennsylvania. Two ‘lone’ figures pick through the rubble. Dusty Sowiejt spy equipment is everywhere along with files marked: FTX, Epstein, Weinstein, Trump, Maxwell, MI5, FBI-Twitter and WaLuigi.

“Botendaddy? He was an anus.”

Photo by Gaspar Zaldo on

Shroake the stereotypical bullshit Hollywood elderly office building caretaker and mild mannered janitor.

“Any idea what was going on here?”

Shroake an emaciated pale blue detective with a bullshit Hollywood British accent. He was roaking a pipe and wearing tweed. He was accompanied by a fat, mustachioed assistant.

“Nosirree. He’s been gone a long time. Been over a year. Word is he has a double. The real Botendaddy is being held at Raven Rock by Federal Gummint long-haired Spetznas Bolshevik beltway FBI lawyers.”

Shroake the weird old man.

“Elementary my old chap! You are the same height and stature as the Botendaddy. You seem to know a little too much about him. You are wearing a shitty sweatsuit and you are dressed all in grey. You are drinking an iced mocha. By force of deduction, you old bean are the real Botendaddy.”

Shroake the detective snorting a plate of cocaine.

“But if this is the real Botendaddy, Holmes, then who is the bloke being held at Raven Rock?”

Shroake Watson whilst bumbling.

Photo by Anna Kozlova on

What you really need to succeed in the Army

Some skills are universal. I once spoke to a real Green Beret in a casual conversation outside a building at Ft. Leavenworth overlooking the river on a dry late fall day many years ago. I was no operator myself, but in the end, I did OK.

Photo by Somchai Kongkamsri on

He said: “I’m not special. I can stay awake a little longer, gripe a little less, march a little further, do a few more sit-ups and pushups, stand the rain and cold and heat a little more, stand a little more discomfort, talk a little less, be a little more tolerant of others faults and weaknesses and so on.”

So what does it take? Some of these rules don’t apply in every world wide army or militia group or guerrillas but they are mostly universal.

  1. Physical Fitness is the king of all characteristics. Not just physically fit but physically fit plus extra strength and endurance and an extra ability to resist illness and minor to moderate injury. If you aren’t physically fit you will break down. Mental acuity fails when your endurance fails. Tough people don’t react to muscle pulls or hurt knees or sprains they just keep going. They recover from minor injuries and exertion. If you can’t run a marathon and bench press your body weight and swim two miles and do sixty pushups and sit-ups and touch your toes, you are not a top operator. If you are uncoordinated and never practiced any fine motor skills or sport or never participated in a competitive physical activity then this is not for you.
  2. Resilience in extreme climate variations. Military effectiveness deteriorates by about 70% in persistent rain. Cold rain leads to hypothermia. Snow slows you down and it’s harder to think and do fine motor operations with your hands. Equipment food and water freeze. Sandstorms affect visibility. Extreme heat is exhausting and requires water. You are vulnerable to heat stroke. Batteries fail.
  3. Resistance to Sleep deprivation. This cannot be trained. You either can function when tired or not. Better physical fitness helps, but if your body and brain aren’t designed to handle lack of sleep without a mental breakdown or making mistakes then you are not a top operator.
  4. Physical skills. Good vision. You can’t be a sniper if you do have 20-20 vision. You can’t be a scout if you don’t have good hearing. You need calm nerves to set explosives and be cool when being shot at or watch your buddies get wounded and carry on. If you’ve never been in a fight and or never won a fight you will get beaten down and killed in a military one on one confrontation. Boxing and wrestling are king. Get punched in the face. Get out of a chokehold. Martial arts are secondary. Learn to box and wrestle first. Learn to use knives, clubs and sticks from a real trainer.
  5. Composure. You can’t be easily upset by little things not under intense pressure. If you can’t handle little things or other people easily upset and offend you, if you are overreactive to being insulted or ’disrespected’, if you worry about yourself and you have too much ego, you are not an operator.
  6. Past history. If you’ve always had problems in school, with life, with your family and an overall lack of achievement at work, in academics, in sports you aren’t suddenly going to get better. You aren’t going to hit the big home run and be ‘Rudy’. Past performance is the best indicator of future results. This isn’t Wall Street.
  7. Griping. Chatting. Gossiping. Bullshitting. Complaining. Whining. It all shows that you are self-focused and weak. We respect quiet strength. We don’t like whiners or braggarts. Operators do. They don’t talk.
  8. Tolerance. You will work with other types of soldiers and a variety of native populations. You can’t pre-judge anyone. Signal guys are nerdy but you can’t operate with their high tech schools. Logistics guys and transportation people are truckers and mechanics. They don’t care about your high speed crap. Treat them right or you don’t move. Artillery, Aviation – they all have their own ethos, but you will need their help. Indigenous populations. You are in their land. Their customs, their religion, their traditions. You have to cooperate and encourage them to cooperate. You have to show respect even to enemy combatants. If you can’t do that you endanger the mission, like Abu Gharaib.
  9. Military Skills. Shooting. Map reading. Radios. Geospatial tools. Rangefinders. Weapons of every type. Drone operations. Enemy equipment recognition and familiarity. Knowledge of enemy tactics. Mechanical and repair skills. Water operations. Climbing.
  10. Fear. Controlling your emotions. Willingness to go into cold dark water at night without panic. Willingness to jump out of a plane in pitch dark in bad terrain. Willingness to have face to face confrontation. Trust that your enemies want to hurt you.
  11. Intellectual skills. If you don’t listen. You don’t pay attention. If you don’t read, you can’t handle tedious technical reading. You lack the energy or don’t learn techniques to solve complex problems. You don’t study, you are intellectually lazy or unmotivated to learn, you won’t learn how to learn later.

Can you become an operator?
If you are overweight you have to get thin and stay thin. If you are weak, then lift weights. If you lack endurance, start running, swimming and biking. If you are inflexible do yoga and stretching.

If you are fearful and have never won a fight, go to a boxing gym and get beaten up and learn how to wrestle.

Do endurance hiking, canoeing and camping in bitter cold, in rain, in snow or ice or intense heat.

Learn how to hunt and fish and dress a deer or a fish. Learn how to dig a foxhole. Learn how to cut wire. Learn several foreign languages. Study comparative cultures and religions.

Get shooting lessons. Learn how to operate a drone, a radio, a camera. Do orienteering. Learn maps and GPS. Learn how to read a technical manual. Take a mechanics class to fix cars, learn to fix radios or computers. Learn ham radio and Morse code.

Composure: Take an Etiquette class to learns manners and tolerance. Take a drama class to learn how to mask your emotions. Practice being tolerant, not speaking, not being the class clown. Stop trying to be the center of attention or funny or amusing. Practice taking being disrespected with humility learn techniques for handling verbal abuse or insult without reaction.

Study real military tactics and techniques. Not CSGO or Call of Duty. Learn military drill and ranks and facing movements and commands.

Learn how an army operates. What is artillery? What is a tank? What is infantry? What is signal? What does the Air Force do? What does the Navy do? What communications do they use? What is Intel? What are codes?

You may be already in the Army. You may be contemplating joining. Some of these abilities may be beyond your reach, but if you train as hard as you can to improve these skills you can do more than ever imagined.

Fitness, resilience, composure, initiative.

Is Klaatu Really the Botendaddy?

Scotland Yard (Not in Scotland) MI45

“Xer, he’s gone. The Boten-fellow that is.”

Shroake stereotypical old detective guy in Macintosh.

“Right then! The Boten-chap! Wasn’t this bloke on walkabout (Pronounced Walk-uh-byte) on the veeldt with Mercs, CIA chums and other unsavory cads and bounders?”

Shroake trans 🏳️‍⚧️ ⚧️ gender fluid human person detective Sheila.

“Botendaddy is known for his bourgeois sexualism.”

Shroake an emaciated pale blue figure who was thinner than Flat Stanley, roaking a pipe, sporting a tweed hat in a thick Scottish brogue. Leading to triple danglier modifiers.


Shroake the old guy.

“Persactly iductificacious my Laddie! Botendaddy is capable of any form of sexual activity with any consenting person of legal age and sound mind and not in violation of local law or ordinance post hoc ergo propter (Pronounced Prohp-ter) hoc, quid pro quo, sic transit gloria not in violation of Global jurisdiction of Team America World Police.

Shroake Tychy whilst roaking his pipe.

“Any… consenting person of legal age and sound mind? Any form of sexualism? (Oh god yes).

Shroake Sheila

“Any! I have defined my terms, lads, lassies and others! Ack nay mir baffie gockle! It’s a roach 🪳 Laddie!”

He reshroake.

“There’s one way to catch this cheeky bloke. We’ve got to lure him in with bourgeois sexualism. We need a sexual agent. MI45 have (weird English plural singular) a person of unclear gender and orientation. Their name is Braithwaite Throckmorton Cholmondeley the Quattro. They were trained at Oxford in rhetoric, philosophy, debate and sexual technique. Their thesis was on innovative uses of the (Oh god yes) anus.”

Shroake Sheila

Jebel El Shukurun Wazira’an Algeria 🇩🇿 8,000 feet (no metric) elevation. Two lone figures are inside an abandoned radio retrans site.


Weird spy numbers are sent out over shortwave in a Sowiejt/Cubano accent. It is none other than the Botendaddy and his handler… Nataše.

Photo by Gratisography on

Biden: Botendaddy Backstory is all Hogwash! C’mon Man! Boebert Shocked!

“The real The Botendaddy? Yeah… I done knowed the melonfarmer. He was jive. Yeah. I said it. He was strate’ up jive.

It was in Philly back in ‘75 at the Philly Phunk Phesitval. Lakeside, Parliament… they was all there.

Then there was the Botendaddy! He was pimpin’! Stetson hat, camel hair coat, ruffled shirt, platform let’s boogie shoes with live goldfish in the see through heels, massive Afro, gold earring, .45 in one pocket and deck of cards in the other. He went on stage and starting plucking and slapping that bass, y’all!

Photo by Trev Adams on

Then like Eddie and the Cruisers, he just vanished. Rumor says he became a merc’ went to Angola. Others say he got a job out west on a tramp steamer headed for Borneo. All I know is the jive ass melonfarmer owed me 50 dollars!

You know what I’m saying? Hey man, are you going to eat that huge sandwich all by yourself? Or can you split it with a brother?

Photo by Trev Adams on

Peace be the Botendaddy