“These posts are getting worse and worserer. Your last readers are holed up in an abandoned farmhouse in Idaho surrounded by leaflets of their apocalyptic sexual-fascist manifestos and one thousand ATF, FBI and IRS agents… (Boomer ellipsis alert 🚨). You are personally responsible for the death 💀 of journalism, the death 💀 of blogging, yea verily the death 💀 of them ‘Internets’ themselves. I have wasted years of my life following you like a groveling dog 🐕 begging for your massive, oversized, gargantuan, prodigious godhead of eternal yum.”
Shroake the Librarian
“Come, Let us run together”:
2 Ecclesiastes 14:29, LBJ War on Khufu (Pronounced ‘L B Zhwaaah’)
I Shroake (For new readers, ‘Shroake’ is the 5th negative declension past participle genitive clause tense of the suam verbam to ‘Shriek’ with oak leaf cluster, blah, blah, blah, und so weiter with mood, allegory, simile and onomatopoeia (Pronounced Paella)).
O’ yes, my dear readers and only friends we did proceed to run down the riverside trail.
“Look at my ass, yon Botendaddy, it’s firm and perfect. You know you want it. Do ya want dis boddee? Do ya want dis sexy bodee!”
She Shroake, whilst running directly in front of me and she managed to expose her entire ass whilst still running.
“Put that ass away! There are kids out here for Khufu’s sake!”
Our first mile was lame. We had to avoid a giant unleashed, cruel muscular doberman.
“Leash!” I shroake.
“Oh, he wouldn’t hurt anyone! He’s only murdered eight children, but it was their fault for playing inside their own houses, and fenced-in yards! Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, (The sing-song taunting is always done in an erotic yet haunting manner) my dog can run and mur-der!”
Shroake the smarmy twaite.
Our second mile was up on the Island of ostentatious wealth. Our time was shittier. Then we ran back to the flat. Our three-mile time was horrible and our 5k time barely acceptable.
“Listen, this was a milestone run, one of the most runs I’ve done in a year, I think fifth-most of all time.“
”You have been running for a thousand years like Thulsadoom and his infernal snake 🐍 towers. Listen,👂I’m not getting any younger. My body is firm and perfect. And god only knows what is keeping YOU alive, you disgusting, 🤮 decrepit, ancient, rotting 🧟♂️ hideous, 💩 freakish, misshapen Frankencock. F@&k me goddamn you! I have needs!”
Swedish Rhapsody, The Song from Moulin Rouge, Zing Zing Zoom Zoom 🏎, If.
Just a sampling.
The awesome rhythmic scratching and hi fidelity of the 78.
Readers get rid of your goddamned gadgets, get a turntable, get some 78’s and have a little style for Khufu’s sake!
Guys? You want broads? The erotic rhythm of the scratching 78. Get with it!
”Botendaddy, since you turned me on to ‘78’s I’ve been getting mad b1tchez, you dig me dog 🐕? You are the hippest old white Dude ever. You are like an ancient decrepit muscular white silver fox 🦊 pimp.”
”Thats what I’m sayin’ Youngblood. You’re an educated man, now you gettin’ those sophisticatied ladies. When my son died, it was like I died too, but now you’re the one, you’re the one Devon. Go get those funky b1tchez!”
”Cities Service Green and the White Quartet! It’s mad!”
Devon Shroake as we benched.. 300!!!!
Never bench less!
The 78 allows one change of weights, doing one set and writing ✍️ down the lift in your journal 📔.
So get that turntable! Get those shellac 78’s! Modern music 🎼 is dirty dog 🐕 shit from a dog’s dirty anus. Listen up, cats 🐈!! Get hep!”
Listen my male readers have huge oversized Easter Island 🗿 torqued-out godheads. My female readers are voluptuous and yummy 😋. It’s up to you to spin shellac on your old turntable!
2. Check existing research especially in the past month, year and decade.
3. My research idea literally (literally) was the subject of a major paper 🧻 the week before I submitted. I had to come up with a whole new plan.
4. You won’t get it done in one term if you have to do field or lab 🔬 research. Likely two terms at least. Even if your study only involves Library research, you might not get it done in one term.
5. Try to get an on-campus office or shared study space. It should be a room you can lock 🔐 and store some of your stuff. Your desk should lock 🔒 too.
6. Get supplies for your Office. Have a computer and your own printer and extra paper and ink. Labels 🏷 folders, binders, etc. Always have an extra monitor in case you have a laptop. Have every office supply you need. Have a coffee maker. I don’t care if you don’t like coffee. You may have to make presentations to your professor or get help from other students and they need coffee. No cheap shit either and have proper creamers not some nutria capybara rodent anal extract sweetener. Have dongles, connectors, wires, earphones for conferences… you get the picture. Maybe even a backup power supply. Bring a backpack of personal hygiene items, towels, etc. for the gym and a sleeping mat in case you are there overnight.
7. Understand and learn all formatting citation and intellectual properties rules before you write a single word.
8. Set up your repositories for your research and your work. It should always be backed up too.
9. Identify people who can help you: other researchers, businesses who work on similar topics, grant writers, government etc. You won’t Get anyone at the last minute. I know…
10. Do a dry draft of your thesis off the top of your head. It should be generally formatted the right way with a thesis statement introduction body and conclusion with your initial citations.
11. Do a dry run of your research or experiments 🧪 or data collection as well. You will have to modify it many times.
12. Consider your statistics and analytical methods or rubrics. You will want to try a few different techniques. You will try several before you get the right fit.
13. Record or write down all of your preliminary efforts. It provides justification for why you took the approach you did.
14. Strictly define your methods. Follow the structure you define to the letter.
15. Choose your committee carefully. Don’t choose someone who doesn’t like your idea, doesn’t like your style or doesn’t like you.
16. Meet with your committee on a regular basis. Listen to your committee. If you aren’t Einstein or Salk or Proust or Jobs, shut the fuck up and do what they say, you self-important twat, twatting about, preening and primping, going: ooh 😮 look at me! I’m so smart! So cutting edge!
17. Get a schedule of your research, data collection, experiments and writing ✍️. Stick to it, no matter what. It’s like a project plan.
18. If it’s taking too long to get done, sign up for an extra term and do the thesis as a one-credit independent study. But you better get it done in that extra term.
19. Prepare to kill your baby. Tear it apart and revise. You will get a weird psychological hoarder attachment to your shitty, atrocious writing ✍️. You may have to cut 20-30 pages. Scrub, arrange and marshal your data according to accepted statistical and scientific standards, so that your data is not inappropriately manipulated and modifications are documented. It has to be beyond reproach.
21. Credit those people who helped you. Don’t be an anus.
22. Prepare and rehearse your thesis defense. Get your friends/co-students as a murder board. Rehearse several times. Make sure your presentation reads well. Rehearse in the building the same day. Make sure that your laptop or other device works in the room where you will be presenting. Stay cool. Be humble.
23. After the final changes, you will submit to your committee chair and have some cleanup. Then it will go to University Counsel for Intellectual property approval.
24. Go to your graduation 👨🎓 and invite family and friends. Get the diploma.
Assumptions: You will do you Masters onsite at the University and not Remote. You live near the University.
1. Do any prerequisites now. Suppose you never took Stats or Linear Algebra or whatever classes you need. Sign up for Community College. That’s right… Community College. Or a reputable online program.
2. If you are going to do a thesis, get a general idea of what you want to research and write about now.
3. If you are weak or rusty on a topic, take some free online refresher course that actually makes you do work. Buy used books or get PDFs of the topic on which upon to for you wish to have been refreshed. (Sentence not ended with a preposition.) Don’t do this during the terms you are taking your prerequisites.
4. Refresh on stats. You will be crushed with them. Refresh on scholarly paper writing. Maybe find a few one-shot seminars or workshops on the topic.
5. Don’t apply right away. Visit the school. Get an inquiry going so you know the admissions staff. Do a few sample applications but don’t submit yet.
6. Line up tutors for subjects upon which you are weak.
7. Line up funding. If you are military get the GI Bill or other funding. See if there are specific grants for your flavor of human. See if you company pays for school.
8. If your company doesn’t pay for school, you may have to go the slow route. See if the school will let you take one class per term, but no classes in the summer. This way you are only paying for two classes a year. It give you six years to pay for your degree.
9. Figure out how you will get to and from school and where you will park if needed.
10. Get a good laptop. Not a tablet. Avoid Macs if you are in math, engineering, computer or information science. Don’t bring a toy 🧸 to school. Make sure you have at least a three-four year warranty.
11. Assume you finish the pre-requisites. Sign up for a GRE prep course. Do at least one course that is in person. Focus on your weak points. If your writing is shitty, take some writing courses. If you suck at logic, get some logic puzzle books and work them cover to cover. Do lots and lots of practice problems.
12. After your complete the GRE and are accepted, you may have a few months before you start. Go to any orientations and tours, libraries, research, registrar.
13. Spend this dead 💀 time studying towards your first class. Get the syllabus and books if possible and start reading through them.
14. If you are in a technical Masters, get your computer configured for the software you will need. Make sure your computer has the RAM and storage and virtualization capability you will need. Make sure you have video adapters (dongles) as you will have to present. Get any online storage or repos set up ahead of time.
15. Get a student membership to any professional society associated with your Masters.
16. On the first day, be prepared to take notes. Be low-key and cordial to classmates, don’t be territorial or competitive. You will be on many group projects. You need friends not rivals. Try to get to class early so you can pick a seat near the electric outlet, so your computer doesn’t die. Also have a six outlet power cord, as you will need to be wired in for three hour classes.
17. Follow classroom rules of etiquette. Don’t be on your phone or have earphones in like a douchebag asshole. Bring water or a drink in your backpack. Get any on campus vending cards for food and making copies.
18. Set up your computer files by subject with sub categories. Back it up online. Use your university email for school and organize it by class, admin, finance, etc.
19. Make sure you are paid up ahead of time for school so you have no problems.
20. Always go to GSA and Professor office hours in the first two weeks to get oriented. You may need the GSA a lot. Keep a good relationship.
21. Never bitch about a shitty grade. This isn’t college. This is for serious professionals. Figure out why and where you fucked up. It’s always your goddamned fault, so shut up 🤐 and learn from Your mistakes.
22. Try to get into a study group, especially for major exams. Someone will always know something you don’t.
23. Be a contributor in group projects. Never get mad at a slacker. There will be one in every group. They may be a leader in the next project.
24. Pace yourself. Study hard. Never give up even if your scores aren’t what you hoped. It’s different in every class.
25. Take copious notes. It prevents you from falling asleep. Start projects the day they are assigned.
26. Start all writing assignments early. You have to edit the hell out of them. Citations are critical you have to avoid plagiarism rules.
27. Coding, engineering and science assignments must be started early. You will have to be clean and precise in your work. Bullshit won’t suffice. The Rand Corporation, DOD and the NIH don’t want bullshit poorly source work and sloppy experimental technique. You are smart enough or you wouldn’t be there. Follow the guidelines and rubrics and you will be OK.
28. Be humble and be a team player even if you are smart enough to be the best, or your classmates and professors will find ways to humiliate you. Your professors already have PhD’s, they aren’t impressed with self-important douchebags.
29. Enjoy the moment. Academia can be fun. Enjoy campus life. Go to free lectures on your topics. Go to Masters mixers and Friday night get togethers at your school.
30. I have an article on how to get your thesis done. I will re-post it soon.
31. If you work, take off the day before your final or mid-term to study all day. The day of your exam, take off at least the afternoon if your course is in the evening.
32. Get practice exams and work them hard. Review the failed parts of each test you fucked up. Get to know the answer intimately.
33. My advice isn’t all inclusive. Read other people’s experience or watch videos about the Masters experience.
16’s were intended for long-playing voice records like books or instructional records. 16 is basically now non-existent. When was the last time you saw a model T?
The platter sizes are 7-45, 10-78 and 12-33.
Apparently Chrysler had a very hardened anti-shock thick-platter 33-1/3 7 inch record phonograph player for in-car use. Unfortunately it would be another decade before 8-track made in car music selection possible.
On most record players you have to set both rpm and platter size.
You can only stack platters of the same size and rpm. If you stack more than two 33’s you will get slip.
Never stack 78’s as they are very old and could break. I don’t think 78’s are made of vinyl. Possibly Bakelite or shellac, but I don’t know.
16’s came somewhere after 78’s I think on the old victrolas the max speed was pre-set so if you hand-cranked it kept a consistent speed. It may have had a winding spring system like an old watch.
The 78’s were next. They spin really really fast and only last about four minutes per side. These records above are from circa 1935-40. They had perfect sound. Very smooth play at 78.
The 33’s came next. They were large platters at slow speed. Hence, Long Play (LP) You could put a collection of tracks on each side of an LP. 78’s were only one song per side.
Finally came the 45. Nothing explains the bizarre oversized hole 🕳 in the middle. Maybe it was to cut back on weight. To compensate, you need either a thick tube adapter you fit over the spindle or a shaky plastic semi-flexible insert. You could stack a bunch of 45’s. That was the invention of true DJ’ing and also the jukebox.
Some modern turntables allow spin in both directions 🧭. This is for DJ’s and turntablists.
You can find an old record player at thrift stores. Then try to find records that are not cracked and don’t have deep scratches or excessive wear. Albums should contain all original sleeves and inserts. Try to find artists you’ve never heard of.
I love Huis Clos. I saw it performed en français by a French acting troupe. It was of course mesmerizing. (It doesn’t make sense in English)
By the way ‘No Exit’ is an atrocious translation of Huis Clos. The best translation implies a confrontation or discussion behind closed doors.
Huis Clos is one of my favorite plays, along with Georg Kaiser’s ‘Gas I’ and ‘Berthold Brecht’s’ Das Elefantenkalb. (You never just say Brecht unless you are a ninny)
There is an uncanny resemblance between Sutton Vane’s 1923 ‘Outward Bound’ and Jean Paul Sartre’s 1944 “Huis Clos”.
Is it odd that the film ‘Between Two Worlds” based on Vane’s play debuted in 1944?
Could it be argued that Sartre, if he was aware of this play, could have compressed the seven characters into three?
Of course, Sartre focuses on the mysterious interplay among three people as opposed to between two or among four or more.
Sartre focuses on the people and not on the journey or destination. In Vane’s play, the destination hangs in the balance.
Note that Vane’s Steward and Sartre’s Valet play very similar roles.
In the singularly brilliant Twilight Zone episode ‘Five characters in search of an exit.’ the characters were never alive, but were in fact children’s dolls. The characters, in the end work together to find an escape only to find the horrific truth. Possibly one of the singular greatest moments in television history.
I have read a lot of Sartre’s work, but I do not know if he ever mentioned Vane’s play.
Two figures sit under a spotlight in a dark empty classroom. One is an attractive yet slovenly blonde woman and a blue-skinned alien 👽 wearing a ‘Hail to Pitt’ t-shirt.
“Does he really Mog? (Bolean for ‘to exist’) (Note to readers, Botendaddy has an original sketch and graphic novel page of ‘Boleans’ written long before Star Trek had their ‘Bolians’) asked Gyrzwacz, a Bolean 👽 student 👨🎓 at the University and a member of the Writer’s Workshop since he was a Freshman.
”Yes, does the So-called Botendaddy exist?”
Also hatte dieses Frää ihre gefragt (Pronounced guh-frockte) She was a cub reporter for a huge newspaper 📰 . Her name was Prissy Honkificacius (A Romanian name) hailing from the rolling hills of Southeast Ohio.
”Yeah, newspapers are about to make a huge comeback. You readers don’t know me” (turns to you, yes YOU personally, breaking the fourth wall and dangling a modifier and drawing a huge Roak off of a filterless Gemel 🐫 El-Cigaarettiyyah, a fine Egyptian Cigarette.) Takes deep breath.
”So this ditzy broad (Pronounced broooooaaad) just started as the first field reporter for the re-constituted Caven Courier since 1980. The Caven Courier was once the finest investigative paper in Ohio. My grandfather, P.I. Sam Cicero knew them all well. I am Giuseppe Badoghliaao Cicero, Private Eye. (Offers cigarette 🚬 to reader through the magical 🧙♂️ Internet).”
Cicero disappears stage left… or is it stage right?
”Does… the Botendaddy exist… do aliens 👽 exist? I mean I’m sitting right here, you don’t need to go to Area XLI, right? I mean faster than light travel? Our scientists 🥼 just work a little harder than yours, I mean it’s not goddamned rocket 🚀 Science 🧫 is it?”
Shroake the Bolean
”Actually, it IS rocket 🚀 Science 🧪 you fucking smarmy blue alien 👽 bastard. Just answer the fucking question, Ok 👍?”
Shroake Prissy, clutching her little reporters’ notepad 📝.
Only douches use a mobile phone 📱 real reporters take notes 📝.
“You look familiar, you sassy broad. You’re the CEO’s daughter, aren’t you?”
“I’m asking the fucking questions, blue boy…”
”OK, it breaks down like this, he IS Keyser Sözé! He is D.B. Cooper. He has visited my planet 🌍 Botendaddy is myth… he’s legend. The Botendaddy is like really seeing beyond, lady, you dig?”
Shroake the alien 👽
“Let’s cut the bullshit, can I see this Botendaddy?”
“He’s sitting right behind you. You should know who he is anyway. He’s been sticking his massive greasy 🐓 into your Mom’s sloppy spermatozoa-soaked gaping vagina for like ten years. Where were you… ‘In Da Nile?’ Don’t feel bad he violated my Mom with that dinosaur 🦖 phallus too. You could see the huge gob of glowing spermatozoa floating in her translucent blue Uterus like a goddamn Lava Lamp for a week. Wow was I red-faced.”
”Listen… is his ‘blog’ just bullshit to showcase his photography and record his slow running and toss in some weird different secret writing techniques in each piece?”
Alien 👽 takes long Roak on the cig. Flicks ashes into a platinum ashtray.